I’ve been thinking a lot..

I’ve been thinking alot

About you and I. 

And about how difficult this has been. 

How I got to this point,

Where my heart is completely and utterly in your hands, 

And how you don’t know what to do with it. 

Now I know – It’s not that you don’t want it –

Because boy, is it a beautiful heart!

It’s not that you don’t love it.

Because the love it produces, I know it helps you grow.

It’s not that you don’t appreciate it, 

Because you’ve never had a heart like this one

In the palm of your hands.

It’s not that you don’t know you have it,

Because you could give it back to me if you didn’t want it.

But I’ve been thinking alot,

About you and I.

And I’ve realized, 

that even if you want it.

Even if you have it.

You’re not ready for it. 

And I won’t blame you. I can’t.

Because that heart your holding, 

It’s alot more like your heart than you think.

The only difference, is mine is open. 

But we are both broken.

How can I blame you for being broken?

How can I expect more from a broken heart?

How can I look at you and say that where you are 

Is wrong.

Or selfish.

Or a silly place to be.

Because I was once there,

In between where I once was, and where I wanted to be.

And that is a place of brokenness

We can only move out of,

When we ourselves are ready.

We can’t be moved out of it,

By the love another has for us.

I’ve been thinking alot.

About you and I.

About how it feels when we are together.

Electric. Magnificent. Wonderful. Safe.

It’s the place I’d pick to be before any other place.

But then I start thinking about what it’s like 

When we aren’t together.

And you’re alone, in your thoughts.

The thoughts that build the wall you keep around your broken heart.

The thoughts that come up with excused and reasons,

On why you can’t love. 

On why you can’t be who you think I want you to be.

And in all this thinking, I find myself thinking ….

 Its time I let you go.

I think it’s time,

I set you free. 

I’ll need my heart back.

But I will let you keep a piece.

The piece that has learned what it sounds like,

When you’ve drifted into sleep.

The piece that sees all the good in you, and appreciates all the flaws.

The piece that knows, 

How much you love the way I cook,

And the jokes I tell. 

And the smiles you craft on my face,

When you make me laugh. 

The piece that loves, the way you look,

While you’re watching sports.

And playing Trouble or Yahtzee.

Or talking about your little girls. 

The piece that has gotten to watch you grow,

Into someone who you once were not,

The piece that loves you,

Please keep that. 

Let it always be a reason for you, 

To love others without reason,

Without expectations.

Without fault.

But I have been thinking alot,

About you and I.

And I think it’s best,

If I let you go.

And I hope,

When you get to thinking a lot,

About you and I,

I hope you look down at your hands, 

And see all the pieces, that made me love you,

And know that I kept a piece of yours too,

Because boy – is it a beautiful heart! 

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A new Understanding 

There are somethings that are not meant to be understood,

Like how we as humans are made of the same substance as the stars.

Or how the battles we face in life are usually the most useful tools 

In helping us become who we were destined to be. 

We will never understand how a single encounter with someone,

Can change everything we thought we knew 

About the hearts of those who we find ourselves loving.

How can we understand, 

That sometimes – there is a better plan for us, 

Than the one we had for ourselves?

I try not to understand things like that, 

Because they can’t be understood.

But there are things, I am learning to understand.

Things that never made as much seanse, 

Until you…

Things like, how grace can take a situation

Meant to pull you away from someone you love,

And help you to love them better. 

Or how perfection is not really worth

All the glitter and gold that most think it is. 

I understand now that it is in our imperfections that we learn to love ourselves. 

Because it means more to be open and broken , than to be closed and ridged. 

And loving yourself in your brokenness beats pretending you’re ok any day. 

I understand that our scars, your scars – 

Goodness! 

I understand how beautiful they are…

I understand,

That expectations limit love, in a way

That i don’t want to partake in. 

That id rather have less expectancy,

And more faith.

Patience, is understandable with you.

Taking my time, I understand

Is not a weakness – but an opportunity to take something vast, 

And make it into something deep. 

Trust.

I never trusted the future. 

But you’re teaching me to trust God with my future. 

Because I understand, that no matter what happens in life,

The reasons are written,

The reason you are here, in my heart and in my head.

And the reason I am there, in the midst of your season, you think your meant to be lonely in.

And I understand, how perfectly OK it is, 

To be happy, without waiting for something catastrophic to happen.

Because believe me, that was a misunderstanding I have had since forever.

I understand that my character, 

Can influence more than my words.

And that to label or judge, would only tell you a story,

About who I am.

So I understand how important it is to speak life over the ones I love. 

And inspire them.

And be available to them. 

And cherish them.

I hope you understand, 

That you help me understand things,

That I never understood. 

And you might not understand what that means, 

But – There are somethings that are not meant to be understood.

 

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Unraveled – Day 5 

Abide

Ok so basically after having poured my heart out these last four days, I am realizing that once we unravel our hearts – we have to have some sort of plan in order to keep them protected. Because even though unraveling is a must when it comes to healing – this is a process that will last us a lifetime. As we go through seasons, we will experience new relationships, new hurts, new lessons that will put us in a place where our open hearts can once again be raveled up if we do not have something to protect them.

So how do we protect our open hearts with out wrapping them up and building that wall back up because of fear or shame? And instead rest in forgiveness and grace and stay vulnerable?

We Abide.

The scripture that comes to mind when I write that word is the parable of the vine and branch. Jesus talks about how God is the Gardener, and He is the vine. And He explains about the relationships He has with God and the process in which God cuts off the branches that bear no fruit in Him. It’s a beautiful picture about how God refines us and prunes us in order that we may be all that we were meant to be in this life. He cares enough about us that He does not want the parts of us that do not help us grow to be something we hold unto. Instead, He works in us and removes those parts (if we let him) and focuses on the parts of us that will help us grow. It says that He prunes the branches that bear fruit so that we will be even MORE fruitful. How much an open heart can learn to love the way God does, is a beautiful thought.

 But Jesus also says this :

You will bear no fruit unless you remain in me. 

So we must abide. 

Breaking this down means realizing that it all goes back to choice again. How we will operate? How we will trust that we didn’t just go through all that hard stuff just to have our hearts susceptible and God not do anything through it all? 

He goes on to say that if we are to remain in Him, and him in us (Abide) three things will happen:

1) You will bear much fruit

2) You may ask whatever you wish and will be done for you 

3) You will remain in His love

So what does all that mean?

1) Vs. 5 – If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.
SPIRIT VS. FLESH
When I read this I think of how much our fears and shame can drift us away from abiding in God. How when we do things and think things that are not aligned with the will of God, how far we can drift from Him. How there are so many times that we let these branches that bear no spiritual fruit grow out of us all because we are raveled up in our emotions. Emotions like anger or sadness, we hold unto them and let them turn into resentment and rage, or bitterness and hate. How do we grow when we are in that state? It is very hard to heal when we are activating in the flesh. It’s hard to unravel and process through our fear and shame when we are in that state of mind because all we want to do is justify why we are behaving the way we are. It allows us to play the victim, and in turn have a reason we believe is good enough to stay raveled up. But the thing is , most people don’t even realize they are living in this state. 

We need to THINK ABOUT WHAT WE ARE THINKING ABOUT. Do not think with your flesh (your ego). Don’t let your fears dictate your vulnerability before God. Know that if you abide in Him, you can allow the spirit to lead you because at the same exact time, He is abiding IN YOU as well. And even when we unravel all those things, we must still remember that their will be events or relationships that will trigger us and make us want to go back to our old ways of thinking. But if we can Abide in Him, if we can let God work in us and let our spirit lead us through our healing – we will bear so much fruit. 

2) Vs. 7 If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.
FAITH VS. FEAR
That sounds so amazing right? I mean if God could just give us all we wanted, we wouldn’t have to really even deal with the pains that ravel our hearts up in the first place. But it says that if you remain in my word, and my word in YOU. So that means GET IN HIS WORD.. How do we protect our hearts when we unravel them before Him? We STAY in his word. We search for the promises and we live in them. One that specifically comes to mind is Isaiah 52:12 – ” The Lord will go before you”. We know that the battle is spiritual. So when our hearts are unraveled – we can know that if we are living and breathing in HIS word – we are able and ready to fight that battle. Oh how many times I have not been meditating in His promises and find my open heart susceptible to the lies the enemy puts on me to carry. Faith is a muscle, and the word of God is the equipment we must use to exercise that muscle and help it grow. So know that when you’re heart is open, you don’t have to ravel it up – you can abide in His promises and move forward knowing that He is going before you.

3) Vs. 10 – If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love
CONDEMNATION VS. CONVICTION
I love how all three of these truths relate to a choice to operate in them. But mostly, I love how he wraps up the promises that come with abiding through this simple truth. “Keep my commandments”. When my heart was wrapped up tight in all my fear, shame and anger – it leaked over into my relationships with God. I was angry with Him because I couldn’t understand why all the things that had happened to me throughout my life had happened – and that those things were the reason I even had to unravel in the first place. It was in the midst of a season where I was leading in the church and involved in multiple ministries and no one even knew the depths of my raveled up heart. Outside, i performed, but inside – I didn’t want to serve him. I didn’t want to go to church. I didn’t want to pray or read His word. I just didn’t. It felt like a chore that I just didn’t want to do. But I remember – there was a point where I had a real conversation with God. I said “Lord – I am stepping down. Show me that you love me just as much if I stepped down and never served in the church again. Show me that I would be just as valuable if I let go of the pressure of performing and just showed up with nothing to give you but my unraveled heart.” And you know what I learned from that experience – that it means more to show up empty handed with your heart unraveled than to show up and put on the show for the sake of christianity with a closed and wrapped up heart. My point is – we remain in His love when we stop letting His precepts and His commandments become something that guilts us into showing up in a way we THINK he wants us to. We remain in His love when we simple say – I’ve got nothing Lord – expect a heart that is willing to be unraveled in order that I may know you more. He doesn’t want us abiding out of duty – He wants us abiding because we know that that is where His love is found. We keep his commandments because we love Him, and He keeps us in His love because of that. And He wants to give us that love – to give it to a heart thats open and willing to recieve it. So SERVE HIM WITH YOUR HEART. Not because it looks good or sounds good.. and see how much of His love you find yourself emersed in. 

So what does all this mean? It means that as you work through your fear, your shame, your forgiveness, your vulnerability – that that is no the only part of unraveling yourself before God. The second part of all this is Abiding. Abiding in His spirit – abiding in His word – and abiding in His commandments. This is how you will keep that beautiful heart of yours unraveled before Him. This is how he will be able to do exactly what the end of this passage says – love others as He loved you. When you’re hearts healthy and open and ready to receive His love – you become a vessel and are able to pour it out into this world. And this world needs it. People need to see Gods love through your unraveled heart! Then need to see God in you and through you! This isn’t just for you to heal, but to be apart of a healing that surpasses you. A healing of hearts that ultimately belong to Him.

So unravel your heart. And abide in Him, and see how wondrous of a life He gives you as He transforms you and molds you into a tree with branches that bear beautiful fruit. You deserve it! 

Thank you for doing this Devo with me. For opening your hearts. I pray God unravels them and uses them to change this world for His names sake ❤️

“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples. “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love.
My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.”

‭‭John‬ ‭15:1-10, 12‬ ‭

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Unraveled – Day 4

Vulnerability

The dictionary defines vulnerability as : capable of or susceptible to being wounded or hurt. 

So why would we ever want to put ourselves in a position of vulnerability when it comes to unraveling our hearts. Well, because it is where growth will happen. 

Have you ever had an experience where you had to make a speech or talk in front of a large group of people? Maybe go on a job interview that you were nervous about and they ask you a bunch of questions that you weren’t necessarily mentally ready to answer? Don’t you feel vulnerable in those moment? Like all eyes are on you, and if you mess up – then everyone is going to see? 

But afterwards, when your finished – you feel strengthened, and as though you tackled something that felt impossible to do before hand? 

What about that moment you tell someone you love them, not knowing if they feel the same way or not? Goodness, the amount of vulnerability required to do such a thing is insane! You’re literally placing yourself in a position to be capable of or susceptible to being wounded or hurt. And that doesn’t always feel good.

But in the process of unravelment – it is in our vulnerability that we will realize our strength. Just like yesterday – I mentioned that in our weakness, God becomes strong. But in our vulnerability – we find our own strength.

I know that not everyone is like me. Everyone doesn’t have the call to write their hearts out until it hurts. To share the most deepest parts of themselves. And that’s ok. You don’t have to go on Facebook and talk about all your personal problems and doubts in faith. But when you take a chance, and open up about what it is that God is doing in you – especially when it’s deep and icky and hurts – you are taking a step into a space of connection. Vulnerability is important in this process because it shows others that they are not alone. It shows others that we to, are human. That we struggle. That we doubt. That we make mistakes. Alot of times, I have people who I don’t even know very well reach out to me and tell me that because of my vulnerability and transparency, they are encouraged.

It’s not just about being vulnerable with others, but about with God too. Day one I said – God already KNOWS our hearts, he knows our fears, our shame, and about the unforgiveness we harbor in our hearts. But Him knowing and us sharing that burden with him is the step that takes us from guarded to vulnerable. It’s the act of making a choice and saying – I KNOW that to be unraveled means to be exposed. I KNOW it means that I might be capable of or susceptible to being hurt – but I’m still going to open my heart. Because I KNOW that healing means more to me than staying wrapped up in ravelment. 

So get vulnerable. 

Get vulnerable with your prayers – His word says that He gives us the desires of our hearts. So be honest with him about what it is your heart wants.

Get vulnerable with your obedience – His word says that He delights in obedience more than sacrifice. So get real with God about what it is that your struggling with being obedient to. He doesn’t need our sacrifice, but finds joy in our willingness to obey him.

Get vulnerable with the people hes placed in your path – His word says that if we confess to each other and pray for each other we will be healed. GET VULNERABLE with your circle of influence. IT WILL BRING YOU HEALING!

And know this – PRIDE will be your biggest enemy in this part of healing. Pride will stop you from being vulnerable because it is natural for our ego to protect the parts of us that can be susceptible to hurt or pain. Our pride will say “it’s not worth it”. But the Holy Spirit is more powerful than that. And that is the most powerful thing inside of us that connects us all – so naturally vulnerability would appeal to our spirits. And when we want to place our walls up, and let pride speak on our behalf, we are wrapping ourselves back up in that bandage that stops us from unraveling all that we are before God. 

One of the hardest things that took me a long time to be vulnerable about was my anxiety and depression. I let my pride stop me from just being honest and saying that these were things I dealt with. And they have been things I dealt with since I was a teenager. I wasn’t willing to be vulnerable for a long time. Not to the 5 different therapists that I saw as I grew up, not to my parents, or even my friends. Every time it would get to the place where I was required to get VULNERABLE – I would shut down. I would let pride take the wheel and I would ravel myself up again so tight that I spiraled into an even deeper depression with even more heightened anxiety that before.- I was not willing to be vulnerable about that. And to be honest – it wasn’t until I shared with others that I used to cut myself because of these issues that I started to get really vulnerable. And as I type this now – I am realizing that I have never really publicly shared on any platform I use that I dealt with the struggle of self harm as an adolescent until now. But this is me being vulnerable – because I KNOW that this is another bandage that God is going to remove from me in order for me to heal. I see those scars on my ares every day – they remind me of how tightly bound I was. But they also bring a small glimmer of gratefulness as I know that God is using my scars to help me unravel. 

Getting vulnerable requires a strength you may not have exercised in a long time. It might even require a step in a direction you’ve never walked before. But I promise you – for every moment you place yourself in a position to be capable of or susceptible for the sake of the pain of growing – God WILL go before you and fight in your honor. He wants you to be totally undone before him. Even if it means looking at your scars and saying – this is part of me. He wants that part of you. Scars and all. 

“All my longings lie open before you, Lord; my sighing is not hidden from you.”

‭‭Psalm‬ ‭38:9‬ ‭

“Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.”

‭‭Psalm‬ ‭37:4‬ ‭

“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.”

‭‭James‬ ‭5:16‬ ‭

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Unraveled – Day 3

Forgiveness & Grace

Now that we have begun to deal with our fear and shame, how do we continue to keep our hearts open for what it is God wants to do through us?

I truly believe the next step requires a whole lot of grace & forgiveness.

The thing about forgiveness, is that it is always two fold. It is not just about the on receiving it – but more often so it is about the one extending it. Can you think of a time where you withheld forgiving someone for something they had done because you were afraid it would give up your power? How long did you stay raveled up in that anger and how much did it hinder you from moving on with your life? I always thought I needed closure in order to extend forgiveness. That if someone had wronged me, until I felt like they were “sorry enough” – then I wouldn’t give them the grace that is required to forgive them.

Because when you boil it down – Grace and Forgiveness are always two in the same. Think of the grace that God offers us each and every day of our lives. It is a grace that is unconditional, and it is only because of the character of who He is. Because of His grace – we are forgiven. And if we are to unravel our fear and shame – there will be many things that will come up that we will be required to extend grace and forgiveness, to others, to ourselves and sometimes even to God.

The problem is we are looking in all the wrong places for us to have the “OK” to go ahead and forgive. We wait for the people who have caused us shame and fear to show up specifically. We look at performance, and words, and gestures instead of knowing that forgiveness is more about freeing ourselves then about having someone show up a specific way in our lives.

We even do it to ourselves! Oh how hard it has been for me to dive into my past and forgive myself for the choices I made that caused me pain and suffering. But this is literally what KEEPS US RAVELED UP. We stay guarded – so sure that others will do the same. We hold unto offenses like they are collectibles and we use them to weave the bandages around our hearts because we feel justified in doing so. 

And believe me – I get it. I have held unto hurts that stem my entire life. I am still learning how to forgive the most important people in my life – my parents for the choices they may have made that effected me.

But understand this – The way that God is going to heal you directly aligns with the way that He is going to use you! And he can only heal you to the extent that you are willing to unravel before him and look at the areas of your life that are requiring you to forgive. And just like dealing with our fear and our shame – forgiveness is a choice. It is a process that takes time to unravel.

The first part of that process is understanding the character of God. His word says that He delights in us. He has forgiven us of our wickedness and remembers our sins no more. He is forgiving. He extends grace. He opens His heart so that he may know us. And God experiences himself through us – through His children and the relationships they form. So by being able to extend forgiveness to ourselves and others, we are able to mirror to character of God. 

One thing I will never forget a pastor told me once was this – The Devil appeals to our desire to be like God. So in this process of forgiveness – do not be surprised when you start to remember all the wrongs done to you. Do not be surprised when you feel validated in your anger and hurt. Do not be surprised when you start to think – “they don’t deserve my forgiveness” OR “I can never forgive myself”. That is the enemy showing up trying to get you to spin the other way and wrap your heart up again into isolation and pride. 

Forgiveness and grace should be a byproduct of unravelement. It should be the music that plays as you unwrap the bandage. It should be the air that finds its way unto your wounds and the oxygen that lets them heal into scars. Once we open up and move past the fear and the shame – we should see others – even ones that have hurt us and say – I want this for you. I want you to be able to breath and live and walk in the freedom of grace and forgiveness. Because this is what it means to be completely and utterly undone and ready for the process of letting God put you back together once again. Forgiveness and Grace will transform you into a new person – one who knows that an open heart is a free heart. 

So who do you need to forgive? And what is stopping you from forgiving them? Is it yourself? Is it a parent? A relationship that you were hurt in? Let yourself revisit the hurt and choose grace in that moment. Pray to God that He would allow you to see that person OR yourself through HIS eyes – eyes of grace. Eyes of forgiveness. Of delight. Pray boldly that He would show you what real grace and forgiveness looks like. And that in the moment the enemy tries to steal that freedom from you – that He would remind you of the grace and forgiveness He extended to you through His son Jesus Christ.

“For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.””

‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭8:12‬ ‭

“The LORD your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.””

‭‭Zephaniah‬ ‭3:17‬ ‭

“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—”

‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭2:8‬ ‭

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Unraveled – Day 2

Shame. 
One thing I have learned about unraveling shame is that you cannot do it alone. And I don’t just mean that you need the help of God to overcome the shame that burrows itself into the crevices of your darkest parts of you that you don’t want any one else to see. I mean, you can’t do it alone. You need support. You need people around you that you can trust that will give you space to name your shame.

The crazy thing about shame is that when we call it for what it is, it loses power over us. There are plenty of things that I am ashamed of – whether it be choices I have made in reference to things I have done to other or myself… or things that have been done to me. But it wasn’t until I spoke them out loud in the presence of a trusted friend that the giants of shame in my life unraveled before me into something that seemed much less harmless.

Shame is the tape at the end of the bandage that keeps us raveled up and far from God, because we think that we cannot reveal ourselves to God with our shamefulness. For me, this goes back to my fears – that if people knew “the real me” then they would never accept me. But that was shame screaming at me, making it impossible to concentrate on the fact that I am not the only who goes through things that bring me shame. The enemy would like us to think we sit here, alone – going through things that no one else will understand. That we carry around secrets and regrets that no one will ever relate to. He does this because isolation brings a type of vulnerability that can make us believe we are weak. And that life is pointless. And that we will never be able to heal. 

But that right there is a LIE. 

God wants us unraveled in our shame because its where He can come and be the father that He is to us. The bible says that in our weakness, that is where God’s power works best (2 Corinth 12:9). And although it may seem as though sharing our shame with other makes us weak – it will bring about a strength in you that can provide freedom from those very same things.

 
I remember the first time I felt shame. I was only a little girl and I didn’t understand. I didn’t understand why I was being asked to hide a part of myself from the world. How could I? Often times, it is the shame of others that we carry. And as a little girl – I was asked to carry around a secret about my own self that has followed me into my adult years. 

But you must know this – there is a wound that needs healing and it will not come unless you air it out. And after all of these years, it wasn’t until I shared what I was feeling – when I started to explore and unwrap the bandage of shame that was raveled up – that my WOUND was able to start to heal. And although I may carry that scar around forever – I know that I am better because of it. 

When shame creeps up in your life – and this may and probably WILL happen on the daily – because we are imperfect and earthly creatures – I encourage you to do three things:
REFLECT

RESPOND

RELEASE

REFLECT – Reflect on the feeling that the memory brings you. Maybe it is behavior that you fall into when things get to hard. Ever have that happen? When you do something you know you don’t want to do, or shouldn’t do – but it’s just become apart of who you are so you continue. And after, it almost always brings a lingering energy of shame? Reflect on that. THINK about where it is rooted? Is this something you have done to yourself? Something someone else has done to you? Is it something out of your control? The most important thing is to not judge ourselves in this first step. Instead – invite God into this place with you of reflection. Be open to what he reveals.

RESPOND – This is where you have a choice. (once again, I notice that in unraveling all that we are before God requires us to make choices each and every day). Choose – how you will respond to the emotions that shame brings into your mind and your heart. Are you wearing the label that someone else has placed on you? One thing I will never forget Christine Caine said in her book “Unashamed” was this : “Others can find you guilty, but only you can find yourself shameful”. So how are you going to respond? Will you continue carrying around the banner that labels you a shameful person? Or will you choose freedom? It is in this very step that we will decide whether or not to unravel. How will you respond to shame? Call it by its name, and take away its power? Or keep it hidden in the shadows, behind the fear? REMEMBER – What we don’t reveal cannot be healed!

RELEASE – TELL SOMEONE. Take away the power that shame has over your life. When you speak it out loud – I promise you you will make the enemy tremble in his boots. He will no longer have the false victory He thinks he has when you are not afraid to name your shame. I know it’s hard. I know it’s scary. And I know it takes alot of work – inner child work, healing work, I know how hard it is. But the freedom that takes place afterwards is so worth it! YOU are worth it. You don’t have to carry your shame around. And guess what – your SHAME is NOT A SHOCK TO GOD. He already knows. And His plan for your life consists of more than staying raveled up in your shame, hiding a part of you that He wants to know in a more intimate way. So release the same. Find a trusted friend. And speak out loud that you are choosing to live a shame free life because you know there is nothing that can separate you from the love of God!

I encourage you to think about the first time you experienced shame. Does it effect how you interact with God now? How can you use this process of reflecting, responding, and releasing to unravel yourself before God? Do you trust that even though you may be vulnerable and the wound may be open, that God can heal you? You deserve to walk in freedom from shame. So today, claim it! 
“Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.”

‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭12:9‬ ‭NLT‬

“Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.”

‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭3:17‬ ‭NIV‬‬
“He reveals the deep things of darkness and brings utter darkness into the light.”

‭‭Job‬ ‭12:22‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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Unraveled – Day 1

Welcome to the Unraveled Devotional. 
When I first started thinking about doing something like this – I knew right away that the name of it would be “unraveled”. For more than one reason, which we will learn as we go on – but the main one being that that word has held much weight when it comes to the healing that God has done in me. 

God wants our hearts unraveled before Him. And I say this because He already KNOWS our hearts. It is us who take them and twist them up, and break them with our own choices. It is us who tangle up the parts of us that He wants to be apart of in an intimate way. We can put on a show, but he is the stage, and He knows what we are made of. It takes courage to unravel all that you are before God. When it comes to beliefs, wounds, insecurities, I found that we tend to hold unto them because we think we are protecting ourselves. But in reality, if we never unravel all of those things, we will never truly experience what it is God has for us on the other side of freedom.

So today, I wanted to share my heart on what it takes to unravel before your fears.

When I was a new believer, the emotions of being saved quickly faded.. I didn’t understand that having a relationship with God was more than just a great feeling, it was a choice that you had to make, each and every day. But when the amazing heavenly high that I was on started to fade, and I settled back into my life – I began to fear what others would think of me. I also began to fear that people would find out who I really was and shame me for it. I feared that I was not “qualified” to call myself a Christian. 

But my biggest fear was that God was not going to be able to “fix” me. 

And those fears are logical. Especially for someone who hadn’t been spiritual at all most of her life.When we don’t understand how God works, we tend to try to get to fixing ourselves.

But the amazing thing about God is that He doesn’t work in the realms of logic. He works on the realm of miracles.

The first verse He ever gave me when I came to him was :
2 Corinthians 4:8 : 
We are hard pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed.

This was logic vs. faith written in plain English. And when we find ourselves amidst fear – we have a choice –

Logic or Faith. What we see scares us. What we think scares us. But it is what we believe that revives us.

Logic says – You will be surrounded by battles and trouble                                                              Faith says – You will not be demorolized

Logic says – You are not sure what to do
Faith says – You know God knows what to do

Logic says – You are spiritually terrorized
Faith says – God hasn’t left your side

Logic says – You are thrown down
Faith says – You haven’t been broken.

(paraphrased from the MSG bible)
When I found myself fearful for what lay ahead, as I knew God wanted to do a work in me, I had a choice. Was I going to let the facts and the logic stop me from stepping out in faith? Or was I going to let myself be unraveled before God, despite the logic. 

See, there’s nothing God wants more than a heart that is willing to know Him. And the only way you will get to know God is if you spend time with Him. And to spend time with Him trying to hide yourself only hinders your process of growing spiritually. He already KNOWS your heart. He sees the logic. And yes He still says “choose faith”

I believe our fears are the first thing that God wants to unravel. Because when we decide we are not going to let those fears dictate who we are, we are free to choose faith. And as believers, the best way to trust in God despite fear – IS by having faith.

So what is it that your facing that has got you raveled up in fear? What logic in your life is stopping yourself from being completely and utterly undone before God? 

Do you believe that God is worth coming completely undone for? Or are you trying to face your fears and do it all alone, hidden behind what other may think?

Today I encourage you to write out your fears. Right out where the logic seems impossible to overcome. And pray that God would work in His miraculous ways to show you that you no longer need to hold unto those things. You have permission to be unraveled before Him, so that when you realize those fears have no power over you – you can testify to the power of the God you serve.

“I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me. He freed me from all my fears.” ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭34:4‬ ‭NLT‬‬

“We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed.” ‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭4:8-9‬ ‭NLT‬‬. 

“Be strong. Take courage. Don’t be intimidated. Don’t give them a second thought because GOD, your God, is striding ahead of you. He’s right there with you. He won’t let you down; he won’t leave you.”” ‭‭Deuteronomy‬ ‭31:6‬ ‭MSG‬‬

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